If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
So. Much. Porn.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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