I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Randomize
