I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
