Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Dignity is for republicans.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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