he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
