I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
