My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
