You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
