My room smells like vodka and shame
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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