Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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