So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
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