Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
