what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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