remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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