I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
