Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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