Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
