Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
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