One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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