everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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