the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
