When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I am spending my child support on dildos
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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