my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
