dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
