Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
