I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize