this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
