it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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