So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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