dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
