there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
