So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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