so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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