Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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