I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
