This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
