i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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