No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Please don't give away my fajitas
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