Duck Duck Cougar?
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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