im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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