Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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