Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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