Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
