bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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