You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
