Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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