i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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