Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
