The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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