Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
