Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
