I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
