uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just threw up on my dentist
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
