There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
