I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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