That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
