we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
