The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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