Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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