How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
