You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
