I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
