Midget sex pt 2 tonight
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
