You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
