He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
