Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Sorry about my life...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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