I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
