So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
