mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
